But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
