I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
