We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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