Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
