I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
