Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
