I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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