i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
