theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
