Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
