I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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