Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
