You're completely useless in the revolution.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
