with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I intend to get homeless drunk
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize