this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
