Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
