Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I look better un-naked...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
