Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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