I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
