Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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