Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
