Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize