Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
