I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
