My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Can I color on your dick again?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
