He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
