Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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