We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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