Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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