Will you blow on my dice?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
