Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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