i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize