No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
