Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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