I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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