Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
