thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
