there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I came so hard my ears popped.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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