My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
