Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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