Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
