I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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