He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
