I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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