i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
