can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
