And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
