I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
