Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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