Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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