My hand turned me down
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
