Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just found a bag of teeth...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
