happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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