Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
