whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
