Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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