Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize