This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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