thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
