how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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