im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
