the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
