Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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