Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
