he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
