capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
