Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
