I haven't been this sober since birth.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize