doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
