wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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