You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
