he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
