She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
