pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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