I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
