this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
