apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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