Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
