I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
