I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I understand Curling. That high.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
