i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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