When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
