We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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