Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
