Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
