Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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