Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize