we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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