I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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