Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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