So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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