my vag is so smooth its legendary
Say something about gay babies.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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