She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
