grandma shit on top of the toilet
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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