I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
