just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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