Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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