I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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