so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
