honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
