ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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