You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You left your phone here
Wait...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
