Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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