i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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