A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize