just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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