If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
