Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
