i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
