i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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