All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
