i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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