allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
