broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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