even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
