I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
